*photo compliments of insungyoon on Unsplash
Chop Sticks best played on the piano.* So you’re eating food at a restaurant with chopsticks, good for you but the effete erudités are blowing smoke up someone’s arse. Because chopsticks in a flat plate restaurant are an oriental oxymoron. Chopsticks were designed originally to shovel rice dishes from a bowl held up close to your mouth. So please if you want to impress me, show me authenticity. Pick up that flat plate and shovel all that rice and whatever, right smack into your mouth. Same if it is served in an authentic oriental bowl😎
Author’s Note: It all started with the Levallois Stone, the first knife made by our Neanderthal ancestors out of flint chipped to a razor sharp edge. Before that it was catch-as-catch-can tools using first hands, then sticks and later honed bones. Eating implements handed down through the Bronze Age with forged cutlery all the way to the sterling silver wedding silverware of today. We post-Neanderthalians have the perfect tool to cut with, the knife, and the perfect spoon to eat with, including soup. I use a spork when camping the backwoods.
Parallel to this Ho Chi Min’s ancestors came up with the chop sticks, pretty much useless for eating soup and intended to scoop food, rice and steamed veggies directly from bowl to mouth. Choose your weapon. I’ll take the spoon. It’s perfect for old geezers who fail miserably getting peas on a knife or salad onto a shaky fork then getting actually getting little of it from plate to mouth. Spoons it is.
*Chopsticks make perfect support sticks for house plants. They also are good for playing pick-up sticks!
tom tenbrunsel
Poet Laureate of Not-So-Subtle Satire
“Oh come on people lighten up. It’s satire. I mean I didn’t pave Paradise and put up a parking lot😂
2/2/18
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